candid thoughts on the issues of the day.
Way Too Young
Published on July 16, 2004 By Robert Guinness In Personal Relationships
I just heard that a friend of mine from high school died tragically. We were good friends freshman year. I even went with his family on their family vacation to Florida over spring break. We started to drift apart somewhat around sophomore year. We remained friendly throughout high school, but didn't hang out too that often. I still always enjoyed his company and considered him a friend. We just became different people.

I drank my first bottle of wine with him on New Year's 1996. He had two younger sisters, twins. They must be about 16 or 17 years old now. He had an older sister as well, and two very good parents. He was very into computers and knew a lot about hacking and the online "underground" scene. He never did anything malicious though to my knowledge. He just had a gift for computers and he liked utilizing it.

He was a very smart person, though I don't think he got very good grades. You could tell though that he had intelligence. And he knew a lot of things, just not your normal things you learn in school.

He taught me how to shave for the first time.

Unfortunately, he got into drugs a little later in high school. I think it started with pot, but I think I also remember him also getting into "schrooms" and other drugs. This is about when we started drifting apart. It's not that I despised him for using drugs. I just didn't run too deeply in that crowd because I didn't use any drugs.

His cause of death was not published in the papers or anything. I haven't confirmed this, but another friend told me it was a heroine overdose.

I wonder if I should have taken a harder stance against friends I knew that did drugs--really let them know that I didn't support it at all. That I support them always, but not their drug use. I wonder if I had stayed closer to him as a friend, maybe I could have been somehow, in some way, a positive influence on him to not use drugs. I, of course, didn't have any idea that it would ever end like this, but I just wonder if I could have done something differently. I know that his tragedy will change how I think about drugs, and I hope that his example, sad beyond grief that it happened, can be a message to people who use drugs. I know that when I encounter drug users from now on, I'm going to say, "Hey, I have a friend who is dead because of that stuff. Please don't make the same mistake."

It's weird to think about people my age who are now dead. My friend was 23 years old when he died. You're not supposed to die at 23.

It's so weird to think about someone I knew, I had seen nearly every day for four years, can no longer be seen smiling with his mischievous smile. He was a good man, and he is no longer with us.

I'm not going to say his name here, to protect his family's privacy. But, my good friend, if you can somehow see these words or hear my prayers, please know that you are still a good friend, a part of my heart, and I will remember you always.

Comments
on Jul 16, 2004
Rob, you can't change people - even with the best intentioned words or with the truest veracity. And you're very right, people our age or younger are not suppose to do die. Yet, for many reasons, they do and that is (tragically) a condition of being human. I say a prayer for all involved.
on Jul 16, 2004
Thank you.

I agree that you can't change people alone. They ultimately have to decide on their own. But you can be an influence on people certainly. I think I was a good friend to him while we were close. I just regret that we drifted apart because I still could have been a good friend to him despite his drug use. And maybe I could have talked to him about, and helped him to see the dangers. I don't know. He probably knew the dangers as well as anyone else. But one more non drug-user around him couldn't have hurt.
on Jul 16, 2004
I'm so sorry about your loss. It's very hard to not think about what you might've done, I know. But all you can do is what you said, talk to others about what drugs can do to you and the loss of your friend. My thoughts and prayers are with you and his loved ones.
on Jul 16, 2004
Thanks very much.
on Jul 16, 2004
Sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. 23 is much too young to die. May he rest in peace, and his family accept our thoughts and prayers.

You are a good friend.
on Jul 17, 2004
Thanks again. I'm not sure if I'll show his family this site directly, but I know they would appreciate everyone's thoughts and prayers.